Mastering Your Stress Threshold: A Guide to Self-Care and Wellness

Neglecting Yourself Can Lead to Anxiety, Panic, Overwhelm, and Burnout

Life can often feel like a constant barrage of challenges, responsibilities, and stressors. It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind, and neglect one’s own well-being. In my professional life, I have a front row seat to the hardships that neglecting oneself can cause. My clients often first come to me when they are feeling anxious, overwhelmed, burnt out, and disconnected from the life that they want to live. They have not prioritized their own well-being for some time and the impact is clear. But, if I am really honest, I have been there myself on multiple occasions. The invaluable lessons I have learned from my own struggles and hardships have become a source of strength and wisdom. But the biggest gift from my struggles is that it helped me gain a deep understanding of what it takes to become incredibly resilient.

Understanding Your Stress Threshold

We all have what I like to call a "stress threshold," which is essentially the amount of stress we can handle in our daily lives without experiencing negative symptoms. It’s important to understand that this threshold varies from person to person. Just like no two fingerprints are the same, our capacities for stress are unique to each of us.

Conceptualizing Stress: The Leaky Roof and the Bucket

To make this concept more tangible, I invite you to think of stress as water leaking through a roof. Our stress threshold is like a bucket placed under that leak to catch the water. The bucket can hold a certain amount of water—or stress—before it overflows. If we periodically check the bucket and empty it when necessary, we can avoid it overflowing and making a big mess. However, if we neglect it, the bucket will eventually overflow, leading to negative consequences and a messy situation.

The Importance of Regular Self-Check-Ins

Just as we need to check our stress bucket regularly, we must also check in with ourselves daily. This means addressing our most basic needs: food, water, movement, warmth, and sleep. While these needs may sound obvious, many people overlook them, especially during busy or stressful periods. During stressful periods, I often hear that clients are too busy to take care of themselves and their well-being. But, during stressful times is exactly when we must check in and make ourselves a priority.

Meeting Basic Needs to Prevent Overload

Our bodies are incredible machines, but they need proper care to function optimally. Neglecting basic physiological needs sends a signal to our brain that we are in danger, activating what is known as “threat mode”. This can manifest as anxiety, panic attacks, feeling overwhelmed, or burning out. In some people, it can also lead to physical pain and discomfort.

Beyond Basic Needs: The Hierarchy of Well-Being

If you are not meeting your basic physiological needs, it becomes nearly impossible to satisfy higher-level needs, such as connection, love and belonging, self-esteem, and being present in your life. Essentially, neglecting the basics means missing out on the best things that life has to offer.

The Real-Life Implications of Neglect

When we allow our stress bucket to overflow, the results can be far-reaching. Anxiety can make it difficult to focus, impacting your work and relationships. Panic attacks can be debilitating, preventing you from enjoying daily activities. Feeling overwhelmed can lead to procrastination and a sense of helplessness, while burnout can result in complete physical and emotional exhaustion impacting every area of life. These issues can compound, creating a vicious cycle that is hard to break.

Personal Reflections and Lessons Learned

Before I understood that I was responsible for meeting my needs and taking care of myself, I had several periods in my life where I found myself feeling anxious and overwhelmed. When I look back now, I can clearly see that I had allowed myself to feel responsible for taking care of others first. I had a deep core belief that taking care of myself and showing up for myself was “selfish,” especially because I had young kids, a family I adored, and a job that meant taking care of others. Allow me to get real with you for a moment. I was wrong. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. If you take care of yourself by addressing your stress and your needs, then you will be able to show up in the best possible way for those who love you, in your career, and in your life. You cannot pour from an empty cup. 

You only get one life and if you want to be present, engaged and feel connected, you need to attend to your stress and well-being. If you are consistently feeling anxious, overwhelmed, panicked, or burnout, these feelings will take center stage. You will be missing the small moments in life that make it beautiful and allow you to experience joy.

Practical Steps to Manage Your Stress Threshold

Managing your stress threshold isn’t about making drastic changes overnight. It’s about implementing small, consistent habits that help you maintain balance. Here are some practical steps you can take:

• Daily Check-Ins: Take a few moments each day to assess how you’re feeling and what you need. Then, meet those needs!

• Prioritize Basic Needs: Ensure you are eating nutritious meals, staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, and engaging in regular physical activity. If sleep is at the bottom of your priority list, stress will continue to be an issue.

• Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to additional responsibilities when your bucket is already full.

• Ask this question: Do I routinely put others’ needs before my own?

• Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness activities such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga to help manage stress.

• Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or a professional counselor or coach when you need help.

Remember, taking care of yourself is not a luxury, but a necessity. Challenge yourself to prioritize your well-being and watch how it transforms your life! 

Start small and start today. If you need someone to guide you on this journey, reach out for more support.

The Beauty in Breaking

As a therapist, one of my greatest privileges is sitting with clients during their darkest moments. I get to be present through the hurt, pain, ugliness, and hardships of life.

If you’re put off by the words “get to” when I’m talking about someone’s pain, hear me out. In our culture, we reflexively turn away or withdraw when we encounter deep pain. Sometimes, it’s because we don’t know what to say or how to help. Other times, it’s because hearing about others’ pain disrupts the predictability and safety of our own lives. But holding space and sitting with clients in their pain is one of the greatest privileges of my work. I feel honored and grateful that my clients trust me and know I will be present and fully engaged in these moments. I won’t turn away, and I won’t pull back—I am in it.

This isn’t easy. But let me share a concept that has shaped my life, beliefs about pain, and how I see this process with my clients: Kintsugi.

Kintsugi is the centuries-old Japanese art of repairing broken pottery. In Japanese culture, it’s believed that a ceramic piece becomes even more beautiful, worthwhile, and valuable after it has been broken and repaired with seams of gold, silver, or platinum. This unique method celebrates each artifact's history by emphasizing the fractures and breaks rather than hiding them. The breaks and fractures are what make each piece unique and celebrated.

As I sit across from clients in deep pain, I feel their sorrow. Knowing what often happens next doesn’t make the journey easier, but it gives me hope for their future. I know that this “breaking apart” is often followed by the most beautiful process of their lives coming back together with seems of gold and silver. While I would never wish pain or suffering on anyone, I also understand that it is in our darkest and hardest moments that true and deep growth can occur. As my clients’ lives come back together and their pain subsides, I get to bear witness to the unveiling of their new way of being and showing up in the world.  Often this unveiling comes with more authenticity, courage and a willingness to be “seen” for who they really are.  They are often more willing to share their stories of brokenness because they too understand the beauty that has come from it. 

Kintsugi. My clients will never be the same. They will never return to their old lives exactly as they were before. But the shattering and breaking apart is only the beginning of the process. If my clients can do the work in the breaking, they emerge stronger, more resilient, with more depth, and as more beautiful human beings. 

To all my clients and readers who are in the process of “breaking,” hold on and know that you will emerge.  Kintsugi.

The Power of Authenticity in Parenthood

Mamas… can we just get REAL for a moment?

Can we all just pause the cute Facebook posts to be authentic and real? Because when it comes to parenting, isn’t that what we all need? I received an unexpected “gift” on Thanksgiving this year that made me want to say, “we all need more of that!”. And I am not talking about the pumpkin pie and delicious food. As I sat with two amazing young moms, we were able to candidly share all the hard parts of parenting. From the changes that happen to our bodies and emotions, to the areas where many of us carry mom guilt or shame. We sat together, all at different places on our parenting journey, and shared the beautiful and the HARD. There were no masks, no filters or attempts to pretend we had it all together. The beauty of these conversations was that we are all in different places in our parenting journey, so we each had something a little different to contribute. We shared our small victories as well as the darker places where we felt defeat. Here is the thing mamas: we need each other. We need the wisdom from each other that is born through each of our time in the trenches. We need to pull off those masks that we fight so hard to keep on and just show up as we are. There is no better way to connect with other moms than to show up to the conversation with authenticity. 

The Importance of Connection

Parenting was never meant to be a solo endeavor. Throughout history, mothers have relied on each other for wisdom, support, and community. In today’s world, where many of us live far from family or feel the pull of competing responsibilities, it’s easy to feel disconnected. But connection is essential—not just for our well-being, but for our children’s. When we lean on each other, we model for our kids what healthy relationships look like. We show them that it’s okay to ask for help, to admit when we’re struggling, and to celebrate our wins together.

An Invitation to Be Real

To all the moms out there: let’s be real with each other. Let’s create a culture of authenticity where we can share both our struggles and our joys without fear of judgment. When we do, we not only strengthen ourselves, but also the community around us. This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for all the mamas who are able to pause their cute Facebook posts to show up to the table in a real and authentic way.