The Beauty in Breaking
As a therapist, one of my greatest privileges is sitting with clients during their darkest moments. I get to be present through the hurt, pain, ugliness, and hardships of life.
If you’re put off by the words “get to” when I’m talking about someone’s pain, hear me out. In our culture, we reflexively turn away or withdraw when we encounter deep pain. Sometimes, it’s because we don’t know what to say or how to help. Other times, it’s because hearing about others’ pain disrupts the predictability and safety of our own lives. But holding space and sitting with clients in their pain is one of the greatest privileges of my work. I feel honored and grateful that my clients trust me and know I will be present and fully engaged in these moments. I won’t turn away, and I won’t pull back—I am in it.
This isn’t easy. But let me share a concept that has shaped my life, beliefs about pain, and how I see this process with my clients: Kintsugi.
Kintsugi is the centuries-old Japanese art of repairing broken pottery. In Japanese culture, it’s believed that a ceramic piece becomes even more beautiful, worthwhile, and valuable after it has been broken and repaired with seams of gold, silver, or platinum. This unique method celebrates each artifact's history by emphasizing the fractures and breaks rather than hiding them. The breaks and fractures are what make each piece unique and celebrated.
As I sit across from clients in deep pain, I feel their sorrow. Knowing what often happens next doesn’t make the journey easier, but it gives me hope for their future. I know that this “breaking apart” is often followed by the most beautiful process of their lives coming back together with seems of gold and silver. While I would never wish pain or suffering on anyone, I also understand that it is in our darkest and hardest moments that true and deep growth can occur. As my clients’ lives come back together and their pain subsides, I get to bear witness to the unveiling of their new way of being and showing up in the world. Often this unveiling comes with more authenticity, courage and a willingness to be “seen” for who they really are. They are often more willing to share their stories of brokenness because they too understand the beauty that has come from it.
Kintsugi. My clients will never be the same. They will never return to their old lives exactly as they were before. But the shattering and breaking apart is only the beginning of the process. If my clients can do the work in the breaking, they emerge stronger, more resilient, with more depth, and as more beautiful human beings.
To all my clients and readers who are in the process of “breaking,” hold on and know that you will emerge. Kintsugi.
